


That was smooth as fuck, Obito

by YAOI_shipsFreak



Category: Naruto
Genre: Basically Obito learns how to flirt and is good at it, FUCK, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Good Uchiha Obito, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I spent HOURS searching for cute pick-up lines, I'm Going to Hell, Idiots in Love, Kakashi doesn't know how to deal with Obito flirting with him, Kannabi Bridge Mission, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe on a side chapter just for smut...., Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Really Character Death, Now I have IDEAS, Pick-Up Lines, Post-Kannabi Bridge Mission, Pre-Kannabi Bridge Mission, Sex is mentioned somewhere but I won't describe it, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Uchiha Obito Lives, he doesn't realize Obito is flirting with him, he's a smooth little shit, more or less
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:36:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YAOI_shipsFreak/pseuds/YAOI_shipsFreak
Summary: When Obito realizes that he doesn’t have a crush on Rin, he then proceeds to panic because he likes Kakashi instead of her.First it’s denial, second is acceptance, third is buying a book on how to flirt (and pick-up lines).(Or the story when Obito falls in love with Kakashi, realizes that he’s gay and refuses to be subtle about it, Kakashi doesn’t know how to respond and other people are left in various states of shock.)





	1. CHAPTER 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know I should post like chapter 5 of the other story but I honestly can't write it so I apolagize with this.  
> I will write another chapter of this story and I already choose up the pick-up lines so it shouldn't take long for me to have it ready but idk. beware of writer's block.

  


Uchiha Obito, aged ten, came to a shocking revelation: he didn’t have a crush on Rin. Well, not anymore. Instead, the same blushing and the knotting of his stomach happened in regards of his other teammate, Hatake Kakashi. The problem? Obito was a boy and so was Kakashi.

He kinda panicked, barricading himself into his house and not coming out until a concerned and very angry Kushina Uzumaki came in by crushing his front door.

“Kushina-nee, I don’t have a crush on Rin! I don’t have a crush on Rin!” he wailed, hugging the woman with his tiny arms.

On her part, the red-head was left fairly confused. She knew that the young Uchiha had a crush on his female teammate, it wasn’t that hard to notice, but she also knew that Obito couldn’t have panicked just because he realized he didn’t like her anymore….

She never got an explaination and the issue was dropped.

* * *

At the age of eleven, Obito was finally coming to terms with his…. _feelings_ towards Kakashi.

He didn’t accept them, he pretty much still found the other boy annoying, rude and a total asshole but he was now starting to appreciate the small things- like Kakashi giving advice or correcting a fight stance (the closer he got at showing he cared), how his eyes were starting to lose their cold edge and becoming fond while with the team. Small things, but those were important small things.

Plus Kakashi was cute, there was no denying it. He never had a problem admitting that Kakashi was cute. He actually had lengthy arguments with Rin on this topic.

He also spoke with Mikoto, his aunt, and it helped to soothe some of his fears and doubts. Like if the clan would have reacted badly at him liking another boy. They already treated him rudely, he didn’t want to make things worse.

She’d reassured him.

“We aren’t the best clan out there, Obito, but no one has ever had a problem with same-sex relationships before. I am aware that the other Uchiha aren’t kind with you- I’m sorry I can’t help- but we are, as a whole, a rather open minded group. You are still young. Fall in love. Have your ‘first times’. Have your first kiss, your first date, your first break up. Explore yourself. Live. Kiss boys, date girls. Try various kinds of relationships if you want. Be yourself. As long as it’s your choice, don’t be afraid to try. Okay?”

“Thank you, Mikoto-baasan.”

* * *

At twelve, with puberty starting to make things worse with a lot of Gay Thoughts™, he decided to ‘fuck with it, if I have to be gay, I refuse to be subtle!’ and bought a book on pick-up lines.

It was actually a good idea.

The book, ‘How to flirt for dummies, volume 1’, explained how to interact with different kinds of s/o and in various types of daily life scenarios and how to be the subtle-but-not-strong kind of smooth and the smooth-as-fuck kind of smooth.

Obito was happy Kakashi was so easy to apply those pick-up lines on.

* * *

Obito was running late.

Again.

He could see his teammates waiting for him at the usual spot under a tree, Minato-sensei and Rin- he’d stopped adding the ‘chan’ to her name when he accepted his crush for Kakashi- under said tree while Kakashi was seated on one of the branches.

It was summer, so they were wearing short clothes.

They saw him approaching, irritated looks on their faces.

He tripped on a wayward stone, falling down on his stomach.

Kakashi, surprisingly the first to help him out, offered him a hand that he took gladly.

“Are you okay Obito?”

“I’m fine sensei. By the way Kakashi, do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”

Him and Kakashi were still holding hands when he said this.

A cricket was heard in the distance, Kakashi’s cheeks tinted pink under the mask and Rin and Minato looked with baffled expression at the unexpected development.

“Did I say something wrong?”

* * *

They were at the library, studying in order to try and create their own techniques with Minato supervising, when Obito needed to write something down but didn’t have a pencil.

He asked Kakashi, obviously “Do you have a pencil?”

“Sure, how come?”

“’Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.”

Kakashi dropped the pencil, blushing harder than last time and hid his head into a book while Rin looked at him with squinted eyes.

Minato had a double-take, staring at his older boy with wonder. He couldn’t tell what exactly Obito was doing or even if there was a purpose. He wasn’t worried. His boys had started to finally get along with each other nicely, Obito actually listened to Kakashi and the latter gave a less annoyed vibe and Rin easily fell in-between their now peaceful interactions with ease. But something in his mind stayed. Obito didn’t feel like someone who would try to purposely hurt a teammate, much less a friend, so Minato decided that he could wait for now. Wait and see how the situation changed and to only intervene if things got difficult. Worse case scenario, he could rope Kushina in and get her help. She wouldn’t mind.

For now, he was happy his students were getting along.

* * *

They went to see a photo gallery on Konoha’s past, dressed casually and with Kushina as an addition.

It soon developed into a discussion on the people in the photo, the locations, the history.

Rin and Kushina were rather passionated about it, Minato-sensei smartly avoiding getting caught in the middle and Kakashi and Obito stood in front of the photos about the various married couples.

None of them were listening to the two females.

“Well, what do you think, Kakashi-kun?” and this is what they got for not paying attention.

“I don’t know, Kushina-san….what about you, Obito?”

Bastard.

“Well, I'm not a photographer Kakashi, but one thing I can picture, is me and you together. That’s the only thing I really care about, honestly.”

Cue, Kakashi blushed, Rin gave him a suspicious glance and both Kushina and Minato choked on their own saliva.

“You all are over reacting.”he deadpanned.

* * *

It was August tenth and the five of them were stargazing.

Well, all but Obito. He was Kakashi-gazing. The younger boy’s dark eyes reflected the sky.

(Fuck, Obito had it soooo bad.)

Anyway, Obito was looking more at Kakashi’s eyes rather than the sky and he got so lost in thoughts that he didn’t even realize when the younger boy had called for him.

Still dazed he commented “I think I need a map.”

Kakashi raised a thin eyebrow “A map….for the sky?”

“No, for your yes. I keep getting lost in them.”

Aaand suddenly, Kakashi couldn’t look at him in the eyes. He was blushing though, so it could probably be considered a win.

* * *

Obito found himself hating to argue with Kakashi. Especially arguing over stupid things. How the fuck did they even mange to argue about _gravity_?!

He knew nothing but the basics about gravity!

“You need gravity to stay anchored to the ground. Even the moon is controlled by the gravity on earth. You don’t want to have no gravity.”

Rin and Minato watched on the sidelines, amused.

“Kakashi.”

“Plus, if there wasn’t gravity, there wouldn’t be a distinction between ground and sea. People and animals wouldn’t be able to stay down, we would go over the atmosphere and die.”

“Kakashi.”

“And also, without gravity, the pressure would be all messed up and-”

“ _Kakashi!_ Asshole let me speak. I’m not saying that no gravity would be good, however, what I _am_ saying is that even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you!”

* * *

Now, Kakashi had realized Obito was up to something. He kinda changed. He didn’t really argue with him as much as before and when he did, there was no malice in the insults. It actually felt like as if Obito didn’t even want to insult him.

Their relationship was healthier, more open and closer.

It felt….good. Nice.

So it wasn’t exactly a surprise when Obito invited him to stay at his house- his own apartment building had suffered a few problems and all the inhabitants had been asked to find a new place to stay for the weekend- and Kakashi had accepted.

Obito’s house was far too big for someone to live there alone, unused rooms were used more as storage than anything else and Kakashi noticed how there were a lot of small statue of famous shinobi. Like a collection.

It was only at the end of his stay that Kakashi actually voiced his thoughts on Obito’s hoarding habits.

“I’m not a hoarder but I’d really want to keep you forever.” Obito had answered, giving him a small smile and waving as he left the house, only for Kakashi to stop after reaching the gates of the Uchiha compound.

“What the hell, Obito!”

His face was so red…

* * *

They were on an outing with the some other chuunin of their generation- so him, Kakashi and Rin plus Anko, Kurenai, Asuma and Gai- and they were having a fairly good time.

They went out to eat together, chatting about recent missions, teammates and family.

They went to the karaoke, even if only Gai and Anko actually sung something. To everyone’s surprise, the green clad boy was a good singer.

Then, it was the time for them to go back to their own houses, only that Obito remembered that the older Uchiha were having a party and that should they see him this late at night….well, he wasn’t eager to find out just how cruel a few drunk Uchiha could be. Once had been enough.

The only real option he had was asking Kakashi to crash at his house for the night.

“Kakashi?” he’d been loud enough that even the others ended up hearing him and Obito found himself being stared at by six pairs of eyes.

“….What is it?” Kakashi answered after a few seconds of pause.

Obito didn’t wait a second.

“Can I follow you home? ‘Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.”

A beat of silence.

“Holy shit, Obito-” “Oh my God, Obi-” “Smooth bastard-” ah, Rin, Anko and Asuma sure had the best reactions.

He kept an innocent smile plastered on his face, Kakashi’s skin turning redder that usual as his brain caught onto what he’d asked.

Gai was staring, starry eyed, while Kurenai had eeped and blushed right before hiding her face in her hands.

Kakashi wasn’t breathing. Obito fidgeted.

A sigh, long and- exasperated? Got out of Kakashi’s mouth.

“….You are sleeping on the floor, idiot.” Kakashi sounded _fond._

Obito beamed, making an impression of flowers and sparkles appearing and he trotted after Kakashi.

“BE SURE TO USE PROTECTION!”

Obito was faster than Kakashi and threw a random chair at Asuma.

Kakashi couldn’t see it, but Obito’s face was even redder than his.

They both slept on the floor.

* * *

“Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?” was what Obito had said as soon as he saw what Kakashi was wearing, gaining the befuddled stares of his companions.

They were wearing kimonos, as they had decided to go at Konoha’s Hanabi Festival and that was the traditional wear for such occasions.

Kushina and Rin were wearing yukata, the former in a rich blue colour with small waves painted across the fabric and the younger girl had on a pink one with various flowers embroidered while Minato was wearing a male kimono in various shades of greens with decorations of leaves.

Surprisingly, even Kakashi had chosen to wear a kimono despite his former protests and now Obito found himself staring: the younger boy was wearing a kimono dark grey in colour, a depiction of a white wolf gave a stark contrast on the dark colour and it had its body pointing towards a silver moon while another wolf’s head was on the kimono’s back, a tinge of colour in the animal’s blue eyes and a contrasting white obi, decorated with silver and black lightening bolts kept it closed. Obviously, Kakashi was still wearing his mask even if in another colour, but his hair fell on his face in a messy fashion without the hitai-ate keeping it at back and a few bangs were kept away from his eyes by some hairpins.

A red tinge appeared on Kakashi’s cheeks, and he eyed Obito out of the corner of his eyes and he noticed what the Uchiha was wearing: a simple deep purple kimono closed by a red obi but both were in contrast with the haori he was wearing, that had vertical white and black stripes with red roses made in a mixture of paint and embroidery with a few golden edges on the borders of the petals while the Uchiha clan symbol stood on its back, surrounded by the red flowers.

His blush grew stronger, but decided to answer Obito’s casual comment.

“If I’m cute, then when God made you, he was obviously showing off.”

He noted that Obito’s usually light skin flushed a faint pink that soon turned red when Kakashi stood by his side and caught Obito’s pinky finger with his own.

They walked like that all of the night, never really noticing when they ended up fully holding each other’s hand.

* * *

Kannabi had been a disaster.

Even if their relationship had turned out to be better and better, they still had ideological differences: Kakashi still put the mission first- even if in a less obsessed way- and Obito would always put his teammate before anything else.

When Rin got captured, they argued. Kakashi still had nightmares about his father’s suicide, it was a skeleton he couldn’t yet let go of. Obito understood, in part, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He loved Kakashi, he really did, but he wasn’t going to stomp over his own nindo for that. He pushed his feelings back into his mind and gave Kakashi his back.

When he awoke his sharingan, he realized two things: one, Kakashi had come back to help; two, the enemy had hurt Kakashi, who had jumped in the way in order to save him from almost certain death. This was unacceptable. And it had been his fault. Pushing those negative emotions aside, he looked over Kakashi and bandaged his now useless eye and with a few exchanged words the two took of to Rin’s direction.

They should have seen it, that it had been too easy. Now they were trapped.

They ran, hoping to get out of the cave before being trapped- or worse, dying- by the falling rocks, Rin first, Kakashi second and Obito last. This was the reason he was able to push him out of the way, when Kakashi got it over his bandaged eye, it caused pain to flare up his body and shutting off his mind. Obito noticed the younger boy falling, only running just a bit ahead of him before realizing the danger and going back to jostle the other up. Subconsciously, he looked up. Fear caught his thoughts. He threw Kakashi out of the way of the falling boulder, but he was frozen and couldn’t move.

Then pain.

Then nothing, his right side crushed and devoid of any feelings. Numb.

His only good eye, the left one, took a few minutes to focus. He saw Rin and her horror-filled expression, he saw Kakashi hovering over his body on a desperate attempt of moving the boulder.

“Kakashi, it’s okay. Stop. You’ll gain nothing doing that.”

“No! I can’t- Obito you can’t- please….”

“I’m sorry, Kakashi, Rin.” his voice was hoarse. He had trouble breathing. He came to a decision, firmly looking at both his teammates “Kakashi, take my sharingan as yours.”

“Wha- what?”

“It was my fault you got injured. It’s the least I can do to make up for that.”

“You don’t need to.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I want to.” he glanced at Rin “Please, Rin, use your medical ninjutsu to perform the transplant. I know you can.”

“I- I don’t have painkillers...”

“Doesn’t matter. Please guys, it’s my decision to make. I’m dying, I want to be able to be a name worth remembering.”

Rin performed the surgery, barely holding back her tears, but couldn’t stay close as she finally realized the gravity of the situation.

“Be my eye for the future, ‘kay Kakashi?”

They could feel enemies approach. Obito’s heartbeat got fainter.

“Ne, Kakashi?”

“...What is it?”

“Should I smile because we ended up being friends, or cry because I realized that’s what we would have ever only been?”

Obito never saw the dawning realization on Kakashi’s face.

Outside the fallen cave, a battle started.

No one saw Obito’s smile dropping and a lone tear falling down his cheek as his body got fully covered by the weight of the fallen rocks.


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obito is back, Kakashi is still guilty and they basically get most of the screen time.
> 
> Also, I took a rant that I put in this chapter from Tumblr 'cause it fit with the story. Bless Tumblr.

One year and six months.

That’s how long it has been since Obito died. Since he sacrificed his own life to save Kakashi. One year and six months where Kakashi wasn’t living.

He existed. Get up, train, take a mission or two, eat- when and if he remembered to- then sleep plagued with nightmares. Rinse and repeat. Avoiding all human contact outside of his team for the day. Going to the KIA Stone more than he went to anywhere else. Putting flowers on a lone grave.

He existed, even if he refused to live.

Rin often brought him food, checked to see his health. Minato-sensei had been elected Hokage but he found the time to see his development, making sure to have Kushina tell him about him. Kushina herself usually dragged him to get food together, forcing him to interact with people. Even the Uchiha Clan Head’s family- Fugaku, Mikoto and Itachi- were concerned about him, sparing some of their time to help him train his, _Obito’s,_ sharingan.

A rustle among the leaves behind him forced him to turn around, full on alert and a kunai firmly in his grip.

A light breeze passed and the already grey sky became even darker, rain staring to fall at a fast pace.

“Who is there?!” he yelled, having spotted a shadow of someone hidden in the darkness of the trees.

Their smell seemed familiar, their chakra wasn’t. Kakashi had never felt such a cold chakra.

He was about to repeat himself when the shadow stepped out of the darkness, head hung low and their hair covering their face, their steps unsure. A ragged cloak covered their trembling body, barefoot against the cold of early winter and obviously unharmed.

No one moved, then the not-stranger raised their head, revealing scarred skin and a bandaged eye.

_Kakashi knew him. But he also knew that he was dead._

“...kai.”…….“Kai.”…….“KAI!” Kakashi raised his crooked headband, revealing a spinning sharingan, as he tried- and failed- to release what could only be a cruel genjutsu.

Only that the genjutsu didn’t fade. It was still there.

A remote part of his mind kept suggesting _he_ was real. Kakashi was afraid to trust it.

Meanwhile, the not-stranger had watched. Never moving, never speaking, never taking his eyes off of the other, his only eye refusing to cry.

Their eyes met.

“Hey, Kakashi…” he was hesitant, afraid “I’ve had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty guy smile….So, would you smile for me?”

He swayed, his legs giving out under his weight and started to fall until Kakashi caught him, strong arms wrapped to secure him up.

Tears started to fall.

“….You are late.”

“….Sorry, I got lost in the road of life.”

But after one year and half, they were both finally smiling.

* * *

 

News of Obito’s return spread around the village like wildfire, Team Minato and his other age mates finding a few hours to visit him at the hospital where he’d been staying since he came back.

Even if only his former teammates and Kushina had been present when the medic had told them of his health state- undernourishment, frost bite, chakra irregularity due to his right side, his right side still not having fully adapted to his body and a small infection on his left eye socket with only a few bruises and minor broken bones but all around nothing deadly- even someone thick-headed like Anko had noticed his poor health. The medics had given him a proper surgery, to help the assimilation process of his ‘white cells’, as they called them (Obito didn’t trust them enough to tell them what exactly those cells where), and to reduce the scarring among other things so now people could look at his face without feeling the need to throw up.

Obito was mostly thankful nobody was asking about his last eighteen months.

It took him a few months to be able to leave the hospital but he couldn’t even enjoy it because it meant that now he had to deal with the clan and the Uchiha Elders. _Fuck them._

The only pro was Kakashi. Even after being separated he still loved him.

* * *

“Obito.”

“Kakashi.”

The atmosphere was awkward, none was meeting the other’s eyes.

“How...how are you?”

“I’m fine. Therapy is going okay and I’ll be able to go back to active duty in a few months. You?”

“...I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything. It’s- it’s my fault this happened. If I hadn’t been so stuck in my ways, if I had _listened_ , you wouldn’t have- I’m sorry.”

Kakashi had his head bowed, unable to see Obito’s expression morph into shock and guilt.

“Kakashi, stop. Just stop it. Nothing of what happened is your fault. It was my choice.”

“You still got hurt because of me! Had I not been a total asshole, all of this would have not happened!”

“You don’t know that.”

Silence fell again, before Kakashi spoke again.

“I was never exactly nice, to you or to others, and yet you…why?”

“Because of you, I laughed a little harder, cried a little less, and smiled a lot more.”

Kakashi finally looked up and their eyes met.

“What… do you mean?” he croaked, hesitant.

“… I was never welcomed among the Clan. Only Mikoto-baasan and her family and a few others were nice to me, never judging my choices and willing to help whenever I needed it, but for the others I was just the useless orphan kid that could never do anything right. You, Rin, Minato-sensei and Kushina-san… you guys were…” Obito hesitated, his doubts and insecurities flooding his mind, his lone eye darting from Kakashi to anywhere else in the room.

“What?” Kakashi asked, quiet “What were we?”

“You always were my family. You still are.”

* * *

Flash forward a few months and Obito was out of the hospital, injuries completely healed and reinstated as an active shinobi but with one last issue to face: his Clan. Or, more accurately, the Clan Elders that never agreed on him giving Kakashi his eye and they had raged at him refusing to ‘take it back’. They had scheduled a meeting for a week after his return to active duty, on a quiet day of February and Obito didn’t know if he really should feel intimidated- let alone _threatened_ \- by the mild glares a few decrepit assholes where giving him. Fugaku was the only one who looked annoyed at the unnecessary meeting.

‘I survived down in that cave for more than a full year with that monster. I sure as hell am not going to back down here.’

“Uchiha Obito, registration number 010886; rank: chuunin. Supposedly died during a sabotage mission at Kannabi Bridge twenty-one months ago after you saved the life of one of your teammates, Hatake Kakashi, and gave him your left eye. However, you had awakened your Sharingan earlier during that mission, two tomoes in each eye, and as a _consequence_ , now Hatake Kakashi possesses one of _our_ eyes. That is not acceptable. You will take that eye back and this is an order. Are we clear?”  the Elder who spoke was an eighty-something years old man that Obito has always disliked for a reason or another and said man was as arrogant as he was stupid. So, a lot.

“If I may, I think that we are forgetting something important here,” he interjected, not at all fazed by the pathetic speech of said man.

Another elder, a woman not that much younger than the first, sneered “And pray tell, what could be so _important_ you feel so entitled to say?”

Fugaku looked rather embarassed but he also spotted his teammates- he asked them to be present for this but to keep it a secret- that were giving him the thumbs-up.

“Consent and body rights are actual things that _exist,_ ” he said, voice firm but calm.

“What does that anything to do with this, boy?” this time it was a bald man with a frail build who was also blind on an eye and with few good teeth.

He raised an eyebrow,  hoping the question was a joke  “ Long story short, none of you has the right to order me around or to pretend I do something regarding my body that goes against what I want.  You can’t force me to ‘take back’ the eye I gave Kakashi. If  you  were to knock me out and to force someone to make the transplant, you all would be put in prison for going against  my consent.”

The five elders, two still staying silent, bristled with indignation and maybe even surprise.

“I don’t think you understand the position you are in, child. We are not asking, we are ordering you to take back what is rightfully yours!”

“What _I’m_ saying is that human beings have a right to decide what happens to their own bodies, even if that decision results in the death of someone or something else. For example, by law, you cannot be forced to donate one of your kidneys or part of your liver to someone who needs it. You cannot be forced to give blood. Even if you are the only person with a certain blood type and your refusal will mean the death of someone else- maybe a family member, maybe your child- if you refuse, that is your right as a human being and no court can prosecute you for murder. You, and only you, are the final arbiter of what happens to your body, and if you decide the risks are too great, or simply do not want to, the right to refuse to help is absolute.

What you are implying is that bodily autonomy ought to be less important than saving someone’s life;  or, in this case, that what you want- something that has  no thing to do with you or your bodies but only with a preconcept you grew up obsessing on- is more important with what I consent to, ”  he explained, hoping to have made himself clear. Judging by the elders’ expressions, he didn’t.

He sighed.

“Let’s put it into context. You have a kidney that’s a perfect match to someone in the hospital- let’s call him Fred- who will die in the next week if he doesn’t get it. For your own personal reasons, you do not wish to have your kidney removed. Your reasons aren’t material to this particular argument, but they can range anywhere from your phobia of hospitals to your allergy to most kinds of anesthesia, to a history of kidney disease in your family that may mean you will need that extra kidney one day or to the simple fact that you do not wish to give this kidney at this time. The point is: you do not consent.

If life is considered more important than bodily autonomy, then the law can force you to be taken to the hospital against your will, be sedated against your will, cut open against your will, and have your organ removed against your will. You may be tied down to the bed; you may be locked in a room and not allowed to leave until you agree to the operation. You may be shown tapes of Fred and his family over and over and over again. But however it happens, it happens without your continuous consent. This isn’t Fred’s fault- he doesn’t even know you exist, he has no idea that this is happening, and maybe he would be horrified if he knew and would ask them to stop. But it’s happening because life, in this universe, is more important than bodily autonomy. Namely, Fred’s life is more important than your bodily autonomy.”

H e  paused, letting the words sink.

“Now put yourself back in the world we live in- you still have that kidney that’s perfect for our Fred in the hospital who needs it within a week, otherwise he’ll die. If you refuse, for whatever reason, the result is that Fred does, in fact, die. But Fred has not been punished, Fred wasn’t given a death sentence. The decision you made had nothing to do with punishing Fred; it was about your health, your body, your life. Certainly people might be angry that you didn’t give Fred the kidney that he needed, but just because he needed it to survive did not mean he had a right to it that trumped yours. No matter what reason you had, your bodily autonomy was more important than his need.

Now, if you think that the world where life should be more important than bodily autonomy is the one we ought to live in, then we’re going to have to just agree to disagree, because I find that a fucking Orwellian nightmare of the highest order.

If, however, you agree that it’s better that we live in a world where someone else doesn’t get to make the decision about what happens to you based on the need of some third person, then I’d like to welcome you to the pro-choice movement, because congratulations- you’re pro-choice.”

H e pinned them down with a glance, not a sound could be heard in the meeting room. Fugaku looked pleased, like a student who managed to outsmart his teacher, his teammates showed surprise and pride. The Elders, however, were another story: they looked furious.

The first Elder got out of his initial shock and started yelling “You gave away our precious eye to the son of the man that caused the war!! You do  _not_ get a choice in this,  _child_ . You do  _not_ have the  _right_ to choose what you merely  _think_ it’s right or wrong. How could you know anyway? You are just a failure that has been nothing but a disappointment and embarassement for us all! You constantly tainted the Uchiha name with your idiocy and we refuse to allow you  to  keep it up! Y OU.  WILL.  TAKE. THAT. EYE. BACK.”

Obito looked at him in the eye, noting Kakashi’s hurt expression “No. No, I won’t.”

“Then-”

The other elders, probably caught on on what their ‘leader’ was about to say, tried to stop him.

“- you are no longer an Uchiha!”

The sound of a pen dropping was all they heard, mouths open and widened eyes all set on Obito.

But Obito-  _Obito smiled_ .

‘Bingo’

“Then, I renounce to my rights to have the Clan as a financial and political support through my life, I renounce to wear the Clan Emblem on my person and possessions, and I renounce to use the Uchiha name as my own and everything else that it entails. I will be unchained to the Clan and I will live on my own, by my own rules and means and the Clan will not be able to demand of me nothing I do not wish for. With this Oath, I now lose the right to refer to the Clan as family and I cut my connection to it.”

He spoke loud and clear, waited a few moments for them to understand what he said and took off his jacket- the only clothing with a Clan Symbol on it- and with a kunai he tore it to pieces, letting it fall to the ground.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to start cleaning house.”

He walked out of the room, stepping over his jacket’s pieces and never looking back.

* * *

Only a few weeks after the meeting, he was settling down in a small apartment with Kakashi there to help, and the two worked to put the forniture on its place.

It didn’t take long to finish, they where shinobi after all, and they soon found themselves having small talk over a cup of tea.

“You did that on purpose,” Kakashi stated, matter-of-factly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he answered, smiling.

“The meeting. For some reason you lead the Elder into kicking you out of the Clan.”

“Aah, that. It was something I’ve been trying to do for a while, I just caught the opportunity.”

“But… why? You could have just agreed on taking back the eye.”

Obito looked at him, noticing the other’s insecurities “Well, there are a few reasons. One, I choose to give you that eye. It was my choice and I wasn’t about to take it back ‘cause an old asshole demanded me to. Two.” He uncovered his left eye, where Kakashi expected to see an empty eye socket, that instead had a blanc eye. No iris or pupil, just white sclera. “Two, I have this.”

“What-” he started to ask, but Obito beat him to it “I don’t- _can’t_ tell you now. Maybe one day, but not now. Please.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t ask.”

“Thanks. Then, three: you.”

“M- me?! What the hell do you mean??”

“You… you have always been a weakness for me. I never cared about that though.”

“A… weakness. It doesn’t make sense! People stay away from their weaknesses! They don’t save their lives or keep them close!”

“Yeah, but you’re my favourite weakness.” he smiled “I am okay with you being my weakness, so don’t beat yourself up over this, ‘kay?”

That day, Kakashi went home with his cheeks flushed, being more thankful than ever that he wore a mask.

* * *

‘Kakashi’s hair...glows. What. The. Fuck.’ Obito didn’t really remembered how they ended up in that situation, but he now wished he had a camera.

They were currently in the forest, well past sunset, as they had trained together for most of the day and now the sky was dark- which made it difficult for them to see where they where going. Being nearly out of chakra meant that they couldn’t really use their shared Sharingan, least they passed out form chakra exhaustion practically in the middle of nowhere.

This turned out to be a problem when they couldn’t remember if there were any traps or where they could be, which it lead to them actually triggering one of said traps. Thankfully, it was nothing dangerous, just one meant for capture even if it meant that now they were, without kunai, dangling inside a net a few feets above the ground in a tangle of limbs.

Obito was sure that, if he were to translate their positions into something less awkward, he could say that Kakashi was literally sprawled on his lap. They had both agreed on avoiding making the situation worse, to just wait until morning came and try to rest a bit.

Obito could just not look away from Kakashi’s glowing hair.

“Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark, you still seem to shine.”

“Now it’s not the moment Obito!”

“It’s always the moment if you can turn it into one!”

* * *

In the two months after Obito’s return to Konoha, the Third Ninja War finally came to an end with their village on the winning side. Treaties were signed and Minato cemented his role as Hokage with managing to find an agreement with even the most reluctant leaders, not even forgetting the smaller countries and lands.

The Hokage Council was changed, the Advisors- who now were Nara Shikaku and Uchiha Mikoto, to most people’s surprise- took to their new roles with terrifying competence and some Clan policies were put into questioning.

While all this was done, Obito was able to finally cut his ties to the Uchiha, Kakashi started healing a wound he thought he would have always had to carry with him and Rin was able to convince a passing Tsunade to take her as an appretice. With the Slug Princess in Konoha, the other two Sannin, Orochimaru and Jiraya reached out to her and they found support in one another.

However, not every evil was defeated: despite Obito’s efforts, Zetsu was still alive, even if heavily injured. But this time, in this universe, Konoha was going to come out on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a chapter to gett the story moving, explaining a few things and introducing a few subtle others and, while there ARE pick-up lines, they aren't really the focus.
> 
> Next chapter has already most pick-up lines decided and I just have to re-read the suggestions in the comments to see if I can fit them in the story and then I'll start writing.
> 
> I don't have a clue to when next chapter will come out. It could be a month like it could take all summer, but I'm also writing a few other AUs that I hope to be able to turn into actual One-Shots (even if I doubt it) so I think I'll soon publish another story or two. Maybe. Hopefully.
> 
> P.S. Should I put my Tumblr here? 'cause I think I'm going to do some art for my stories and to write some AUs ideas and I'd like to chat with people but I honestly don't know if you'd be interested...

**Author's Note:**

> If you have pick-up lines hou want to see featured in this story, or even a situation for our dense idiots (aka: Obito and Kakashi) to be in, feel free to write it up in the comments.  
> Chapter two will be post-Kannabi and pobably a wedding.  
> :^)


End file.
